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Friday, July 9, 2010 • bad bad day
Have been a really cranky mood for the past few days. Mood swings are coming and going as if they are my best friends. And i jolly well know what the reason is... to make things worst i have an extremely bad sorethroat now. Kinda reminds me of the days i had to endure when i took my toncils off via a surgery. FUCKING PAIN LAH CHEE BYE!
Stayed up whole night just to get my answer from her, well i got it. It was because she was busy and tired. To an extent of replying a text message to stop me from thinking so much was unachievable. I had no choice but to accept it although i didn't really wanted to deep down in my heart.
This is what a simple reply would do, it would calm me down.. stop me from thinking so much.. and also make me happy. It also allows me to stop worrying about you because i know nothing bad has happened when i am not around you. I know, i have no right to expect anything from you. That is why i can't say anything to show my displeasure.
What else can i say? i would very much comprehend actions like these if typing a text message takes 30 minutes, all i can do now is just tell myself YES it takes 30 minutes.That way i will feel better because i know you do not miss me as much as i miss you. And honestly i hate that feeling, because it sucks.
And yet, i have never thought of giving up well at least not yet. It's because i keep telling myself repeatedly that you are worth it, worthy for me to give a try over and over again. I could stay up the entire night just to talk with you for a simple 5 minutes, but if it was you ... would you even think about doing something like that for me?
Nah i don't think so, because you don't think i am worth it in comparison with how much your valued in my heart.
Stayed up whole night just to get my answer from her, well i got it. It was because she was busy and tired. To an extent of replying a text message to stop me from thinking so much was unachievable. I had no choice but to accept it although i didn't really wanted to deep down in my heart.
This is what a simple reply would do, it would calm me down.. stop me from thinking so much.. and also make me happy. It also allows me to stop worrying about you because i know nothing bad has happened when i am not around you. I know, i have no right to expect anything from you. That is why i can't say anything to show my displeasure.
What else can i say? i would very much comprehend actions like these if typing a text message takes 30 minutes, all i can do now is just tell myself YES it takes 30 minutes.That way i will feel better because i know you do not miss me as much as i miss you. And honestly i hate that feeling, because it sucks.
And yet, i have never thought of giving up well at least not yet. It's because i keep telling myself repeatedly that you are worth it, worthy for me to give a try over and over again. I could stay up the entire night just to talk with you for a simple 5 minutes, but if it was you ... would you even think about doing something like that for me?
Nah i don't think so, because you don't think i am worth it in comparison with how much your valued in my heart.
Sunday, July 4, 2010 • updates
Hello dear blogger. It's been a few days but im back :) had a mahjong session with chuwei, mimi and nigel at my place a few days ago. It was really fun especially when you're winning :P had some serious family bonding yesterday. Went over to my auntie's place for dinner and went to buy my lap top fan! well, at least it helps bring down the temperature a little ... i hope :P
Nothing can express my heartfelt thoughts regarding the world cup, honestly i wanted brazil and argentina to play in the finals. Didn't really expect them not to reach the semi finals, well in life not everything you wished for goes smoothly right?
Caught a movie with my parents and my brother today, it was Ip man again. There seem to be never ending sequels to this movie. It wasn't as good as i thought it would be, anyway who the fuck in the world is Dennis To? some new super kungfu star wannabe. How lame, i can't even believe my mum talked me into catching this show with her. I still think Donnie Yen owns all for this role :P
Here i am, counting my days back to the land of chocolates. Not to say that im looking forward to working but actually it's kinda beneficial to personal maturity level to be earning your own keep :P im having mixed feelings now as the days of my departure for 2 years approach quickly. Anyway i will get used to it, the pros and the cons? something consoling may be i'll be able to see her soon, the sad thing is i might not be able to see my family until 2 years later. Of course i wanna see my friends too! especially those that are in our group, the malaysian gang and of course my lovely indonesian roomie.
However, much as im totally looking forward to see her. I don't think she feels the same? maybe i think too much but, i guess i can't help feeling that she's still so cold to me. I don't know if things are going to change for the better or for the worst. But i really really hope that she'll start opening her heart to me, at least it makes me feel that i mean something to her.. till then im off now :)
Nothing can express my heartfelt thoughts regarding the world cup, honestly i wanted brazil and argentina to play in the finals. Didn't really expect them not to reach the semi finals, well in life not everything you wished for goes smoothly right?
Caught a movie with my parents and my brother today, it was Ip man again. There seem to be never ending sequels to this movie. It wasn't as good as i thought it would be, anyway who the fuck in the world is Dennis To? some new super kungfu star wannabe. How lame, i can't even believe my mum talked me into catching this show with her. I still think Donnie Yen owns all for this role :P
Here i am, counting my days back to the land of chocolates. Not to say that im looking forward to working but actually it's kinda beneficial to personal maturity level to be earning your own keep :P im having mixed feelings now as the days of my departure for 2 years approach quickly. Anyway i will get used to it, the pros and the cons? something consoling may be i'll be able to see her soon, the sad thing is i might not be able to see my family until 2 years later. Of course i wanna see my friends too! especially those that are in our group, the malaysian gang and of course my lovely indonesian roomie.
However, much as im totally looking forward to see her. I don't think she feels the same? maybe i think too much but, i guess i can't help feeling that she's still so cold to me. I don't know if things are going to change for the better or for the worst. But i really really hope that she'll start opening her heart to me, at least it makes me feel that i mean something to her.. till then im off now :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010 • Dear blogger.
Hello dearest blog.
I am back today after having dinner with my friends at bugis! the food was great :) it's been a long time since i had ma la huo guo! i am always such a sucker for steam boat. I can't believe how much i ate, at this rate things aren't gonna be looking good. I am putting on the kilos as expected, have been eating a lot! Need to start dieting like now now now, all talk but no actions. I only went jogging twice since i'm back, thats not enough! argh fuck....
Headed to play some video games and a little billiard at bugis shortly after dinner, it's always fun to do things with friends that you really love. Agree? its never the activities you have planned for the day, the most important is the company that you have. These guys never fail to make me smile, i have known them for many years and i still enjoy their pressence in my life.
She took the initiative to send me a text today morning while i was still sleeping, i couldn't believe it when i saw the text message. Although it was something that wasn't important, i was still happy and smiling myself silly when i read it. As always all it takes is just something like that to make me happy the entire day :)
Things has pretty much returned to normal, however i am still missing her be it in the middle of a disagreement or whatsoever. I just want her i want her i want her! :( Anyway that's sorta what happened during my entire day. Just hope that she's eating well, although she can't go back due to circumstances that can't be avoided. I hope she's fine and i hope she knows i miss her always.
I am back today after having dinner with my friends at bugis! the food was great :) it's been a long time since i had ma la huo guo! i am always such a sucker for steam boat. I can't believe how much i ate, at this rate things aren't gonna be looking good. I am putting on the kilos as expected, have been eating a lot! Need to start dieting like now now now, all talk but no actions. I only went jogging twice since i'm back, thats not enough! argh fuck....
Headed to play some video games and a little billiard at bugis shortly after dinner, it's always fun to do things with friends that you really love. Agree? its never the activities you have planned for the day, the most important is the company that you have. These guys never fail to make me smile, i have known them for many years and i still enjoy their pressence in my life.
She took the initiative to send me a text today morning while i was still sleeping, i couldn't believe it when i saw the text message. Although it was something that wasn't important, i was still happy and smiling myself silly when i read it. As always all it takes is just something like that to make me happy the entire day :)
Things has pretty much returned to normal, however i am still missing her be it in the middle of a disagreement or whatsoever. I just want her i want her i want her! :( Anyway that's sorta what happened during my entire day. Just hope that she's eating well, although she can't go back due to circumstances that can't be avoided. I hope she's fine and i hope she knows i miss her always.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010 • Vexed.
It's been ages since i've last posted anything on this blog. Well, since i have so much on my mind now i think it will do more good than harm by doing a little rant over whats going on. I don't care who ever comes to this page, what they think about my command of the language or my personal thoughts. I don't really give a flying fuck, so if u're unhappy with what you see. You are kindly welcome to click the X at the top right of your dumb monitor :)
The last time i've posted anything went all the way back in 2008 i think? While i was in ASK school of management. Still remember Joethy did this blog for me, it states that my aspirations or rather dreams is just Switzerland. Well, i have actually fufilled half of that already. Actually completed first half of my studies which I am rather satisfied overall. I had my share of ups and downs, a combination of issues that involve love and friendship. Made excellent friends, fell in love.. etc all of these is just so nostalgic. Somehow kind of reminds me of the times when i was studying in my secondary school.
So tell me, do you believe in everlasting love? because i think i do. No matter the methods that i manage to come up with, or the changes that may impact my decision making to a correct state of mind isn't helping. Instead, i fall deeper to a point that control isn't an option anymore. I would say it is a result of mild obsession. Scary? i think so myself as well. To cut it short i am just totally crazy over a girl. I can say it's the first time, because nothing like this has happened before. My previous crushes or girlfriends didn't give me such a feeling.
This is why i am so sure she is the one. The one that i would want to be with forever, the one that i would think about before i sleep, and the one whom i will think about the first thing i do when i wake up. The problem is... the feeling is not mutual. Okay, maybe it is but there are so many different obstacles that's right in front of us. People often say, if you love someone no matter the degree or amount or difficulties that you face isn't a problem afterall. Again, i try to believe. That such a fucking statement actually was proven by someone in this world to be true. Because, what i am experiencing now totally differs.
I have tried, time and time again to forget you but it seems like it can never be achieved. I've put in lots of effort to get close to you, to know your likes and dislikes. To know what you actually want, to know what i can do to give you the courage to believe that i am different. And as i am about to achieve that, you close the door on me again. So whose at fault? definitely not yours. It's me because i am a FUCKING LIAR. I've said i will forget you, I've said that i will get out of your life, I've said that i will not care about you, I've said that i will not think about you. And what happens next? I failed, i contacted you, I cared about you, I've called you, I've texted you. I can't do it because i love you so much :(
There has been a lot of misinterpretations or rather, misunderstandings between us. Sometimes, we fail to understand each other the way we wanted it to be. Thank god for a friend that's so darling to us, to have been pulling all the strings. We would never have gotten so far without her. Do you know how much i want to tell the world that you are my girlfriend? Do you know? Do you? Do you the agony i face by thinking of you day and night? I guess you would never understand, because like you always differentiate our status, you are you and me is me. Something like that with the aim of letting me know that i will never understand you.
Why won't you give me a chance to be close to you, to treat you like my girlfriend. All i am asking for is for an opportunity to take care of you. To prove to you, that you are my queen .. my princess .. my everything. When i am feeling down and upset, all it takes for be to cheer up is a simple text message from you. All it takes for me to be happy is to hear your voice, but then again is the feeling mutual? do you feel the same way? Much as you claim you like me, but then why is it that you are not showing the way you feel? Why are you so overprotective, when i am not harbouring any ill intentions towards you? when all i wanted was just to be there for you whenever you need me?
There is a thousands of whys, probably a millions of whys in my mind. Because when you are the subject of my thoughts, i fail to think properly. Because my emotions take over me and all i want is you. No matter how many times you've hurt me, how many times you made me think of the uncountable whys whys whys. Let me make this clear to you, I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE YOU UP. NOT AT THIS MOMENT OF TIME, NOT IN THE PAST and NEVER IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE.......................................
My heart belongs to you Nancy and I will always always love you.
The last time i've posted anything went all the way back in 2008 i think? While i was in ASK school of management. Still remember Joethy did this blog for me, it states that my aspirations or rather dreams is just Switzerland. Well, i have actually fufilled half of that already. Actually completed first half of my studies which I am rather satisfied overall. I had my share of ups and downs, a combination of issues that involve love and friendship. Made excellent friends, fell in love.. etc all of these is just so nostalgic. Somehow kind of reminds me of the times when i was studying in my secondary school.
So tell me, do you believe in everlasting love? because i think i do. No matter the methods that i manage to come up with, or the changes that may impact my decision making to a correct state of mind isn't helping. Instead, i fall deeper to a point that control isn't an option anymore. I would say it is a result of mild obsession. Scary? i think so myself as well. To cut it short i am just totally crazy over a girl. I can say it's the first time, because nothing like this has happened before. My previous crushes or girlfriends didn't give me such a feeling.
This is why i am so sure she is the one. The one that i would want to be with forever, the one that i would think about before i sleep, and the one whom i will think about the first thing i do when i wake up. The problem is... the feeling is not mutual. Okay, maybe it is but there are so many different obstacles that's right in front of us. People often say, if you love someone no matter the degree or amount or difficulties that you face isn't a problem afterall. Again, i try to believe. That such a fucking statement actually was proven by someone in this world to be true. Because, what i am experiencing now totally differs.
I have tried, time and time again to forget you but it seems like it can never be achieved. I've put in lots of effort to get close to you, to know your likes and dislikes. To know what you actually want, to know what i can do to give you the courage to believe that i am different. And as i am about to achieve that, you close the door on me again. So whose at fault? definitely not yours. It's me because i am a FUCKING LIAR. I've said i will forget you, I've said that i will get out of your life, I've said that i will not care about you, I've said that i will not think about you. And what happens next? I failed, i contacted you, I cared about you, I've called you, I've texted you. I can't do it because i love you so much :(
There has been a lot of misinterpretations or rather, misunderstandings between us. Sometimes, we fail to understand each other the way we wanted it to be. Thank god for a friend that's so darling to us, to have been pulling all the strings. We would never have gotten so far without her. Do you know how much i want to tell the world that you are my girlfriend? Do you know? Do you? Do you the agony i face by thinking of you day and night? I guess you would never understand, because like you always differentiate our status, you are you and me is me. Something like that with the aim of letting me know that i will never understand you.
Why won't you give me a chance to be close to you, to treat you like my girlfriend. All i am asking for is for an opportunity to take care of you. To prove to you, that you are my queen .. my princess .. my everything. When i am feeling down and upset, all it takes for be to cheer up is a simple text message from you. All it takes for me to be happy is to hear your voice, but then again is the feeling mutual? do you feel the same way? Much as you claim you like me, but then why is it that you are not showing the way you feel? Why are you so overprotective, when i am not harbouring any ill intentions towards you? when all i wanted was just to be there for you whenever you need me?
There is a thousands of whys, probably a millions of whys in my mind. Because when you are the subject of my thoughts, i fail to think properly. Because my emotions take over me and all i want is you. No matter how many times you've hurt me, how many times you made me think of the uncountable whys whys whys. Let me make this clear to you, I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE YOU UP. NOT AT THIS MOMENT OF TIME, NOT IN THE PAST and NEVER IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE.......................................
My heart belongs to you Nancy and I will always always love you.